U.S. Military to Invade Glenn Odom (Winter 2003)
U.S. Military to Invade Glenn Odom (Winter 2003)
Surprising scores of analysts who predicted that Syria would be the next major objective for our nation's armed forces (or as they are more commonly known, the Fox News Expeditionary Force), Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld revealed in a press conference yesterday that the new "shock and awe" target is none other than Comparative Literature grad student Glenn Odom. Says Rumsfeld, "We are deeply concerned about the amount of influence that Odom has been currying with his professors."
Intelligence reports indicate that Odom has engaged in such machiavellian activities as TAing, babysitting, conference "beotching", and making countless xeroxes for such prominent faculty as Ngugi Wa Thiong'o and Gayatri Spivak. Says Rumsfeld, "If Odom decided to call in all of his favors at once, it could cause a chain reaction seriously impacting regional security in nations such as Southern California, India, and Kenya. He is a powerful force to be reckoned with, much like my new sitcom Rumsfeld, premiering June 23rd. It is imperative that all true patriots support regime change for Glenn Odom.”