Greatest Hits... New & Improved with Fewer Inside Jokes The Antfarm
 
click here to email comments + submissions English & Comparative Literature Department Split ---> “faculty have opted for Plan 9” U.S. Military to Invade Glenn Odom ---> “deep concerns about the influence that grad student busybody has been currying with his professors” 1st Year Grad Student Still Has No Idea What Critical Theory Is ---> “it’s like, this thing that, like... fuck!” Grad Student Shells out $9.00 for Movie with Lacan Reference ---> “noticed Kevin Spacey write petit-objet-a on a chalkboard during the trailer” New M.F.A. Students Even Older, More Overqualified than Current Ones ---> “your submission would have been tighter without all that chaff about incessant prayer” Constitutional Amendment Would Ban Faculty Marriages, Civil Unions ---> “these people should not be allowed to fraternize, much less reproduce” Tips for First Year Grad Students ---> “friends note that your skin has progressed from pasty to translucent” ---> “when daddy and mommy fight, it’s not your fault” Faculty Casting Call ---> Tobey Maguire’s agent never returned our text message Interpretive Key for Professor Comments on Grad School Essays ---> “although the statement may technically be true, the statement’s opposite would be more interesting” Grad Student Personality Quizzes ---> “valuing convenience, the camelid prefers to mate with its fellow students” Seminar Request Form ---> “figure 1: my conquest of Italy” Kerry Lost Because of Me ---> “I taught Wordsworth instead of Shelley” Department Chair is Actually Batman ---> “a shifty machiavel who toes the line separating law enforcement from reckless vigilanteism” Grad School as March Madness Bracket ---> apathy upsets sympathy and enthusiasm in cinderella run to the final four If Literature Professors Were Novelists Themselves ---> “the emergent bourgeoisie had been making things very difficult on sunny days” Just Say No to Books - A Public Service Announcement ---> “dealers often offer the first dose for free at dens called libraries” Diary of a Travel Grant Recipient ---> “eating as much free butter as I can... will submit wrappers as receipts” ---> “prom is heteronormative and phallagocentric” Transcript from Oral Section of Qualifying Exams ---> “do apples in fact evade all possible categorization?” ---> the most common misinterpretation Anatomy of an Assistant Professor’s Office Hour ---> “401 not OK” ---> “all of your emotions rolled into a confusing little ball” Literature Department Holiday Carols ---> “All I Want for Christmas is an Incomplete” How the University Works - an E-mail Primer ---> “just say u stayed up all night reading the nation or some shit” devouring U.C. Irvine in tiny bites since 2003 ---> experts liken committee to “group of death” Brief Interviews with Hideous Teaching Assistants ---> “Shut up, I’m not old!” ---> with hideous faculty mentor... “I speak in the paradoxes of Netflix” Coffee Shop Refugee Crisis - Day 15 ---> “they took away our Costa Rican blend... now we have nothing” Hold ‘Em - A Card Shark’s Guide to On-Campus Job Talks ---> “finds My Humps theoretically fecund” Augustus Ant, IV editor-in-chief Andy Warren AaronWinter founders Pat Keller Tom Hitchner Joe Kugelmass Mike Andreasen Susanne Hall Wolfgang Iser Anna Kornbluh Jennifer Levin Erin McNellis Erik Rangno Robin Stewart Eric Strand Jonathan Tanner Walt Wadiak contributors why not make one at your own school? ---> X’s and O’s... “let the hummus frenzy commence” MLAde